He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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