I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
