haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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