Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
