She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
