Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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