so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
