you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
