i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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