I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
