I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
