Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
