There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
