I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
