If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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