I need help removing her.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize