Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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