Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
