Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
