i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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