And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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