Will you blow on my dice?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Randomize
