Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
