Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
