I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
