update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
