Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
