dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
