He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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