What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I booty called her while she was in labor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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