I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
