I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
