I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
