A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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