I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
