he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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