the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
