they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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