I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
