I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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