just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
