it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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