the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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