he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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