Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
