I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
