Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
