I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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