yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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