apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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