are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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