There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
