that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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