Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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