can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
